How I came to be on Amit Varma's podcast

TLDR: Vulnerability always wins.

Some three months ago, I wrote what I thought was one of my most vulnerable pieces yet for NDTV, about my (advertant? inadvertant?) decision to stay single and experimental in my 30s, coming from a family and a society that insists on coupledom as the default, the normal.

The piece resonated far and wide. People shared it, retweeted it, especially women from my alma maters—even married women. I also posted a slightly risqué photo to go with the article on my Twitter—my own act of public rebellious self-acceptance—and, honestly, it all felt great.

The more you write, the more you realize that the hardest part about writing is hardly the craft or nitty-gritties of putting a sentence together, but the act of being emotionally honest. You must admit to and explore all the ambiguities under the fronts you put up for the world.

In some other part of the world later on, Amit Varma and my friend and fellow writer-journalist Samarth Bansal were talking about the travesties of dating in your 30s today. They decided there should be a rambling, emotionally honest conversation on this subject on Amit’s hallowed podcast, The Seen and the Unseen, and Samarth was tasked with finding another single person who could speak to the subject.

And that’s how this happened.

Samarth connected us soon after, and a few weeks later, I found myself flying to Mumbai for the longest, most freewheeling conversation I’ve had yet: some seven hours on The Seen and the Unseen.

In this episode supposed to be about dating, Amit, Samarth, and I first got into ‘the inherently carnivorous nature of all existence’, because our desires and need for survival often involve callous brutality towards others.

We talk about why humility is overrated, because society’s endless demand for modesty, especially from women, stifles authentic self-expression.

We discuss the culture’s confused ideas of masculinity and femininity, and go so far as to conceding some ‘problematic’ figures may have a point, and how these notions affect our personal relationships.

And for those of you who’ve been reading me for a while, we dive briefly into the evolution of my writing and career(s): failed screenplays, viral essays, the similarities between selling brands and writing words, et al.

There is a good ~3 hours dedicated to the messiness of dating in your 30s—finding companionship amidst work, self-discovery, and the high expectations we place on ourselves and others. We talk about what it means to crave deep intimacy but also guard your independence, and the line between choosing your solitude and being lonely, and how all single people aren’t a monolith either.

This episode has it all—the personal, the professional, the existential.

It happened with very little planning and lots of on-the-spot conversational jiving, so I can see how Amit has built the institution he has at The Seen and the Unseen. There were no skill issues here. The day we shot it is going to remain one of the most memorable days of my life, I daresay, and for that, I’m grateful to Samarth and Amit.

Please give the episode a listen, share it, and tell me what you think: Episode 401 — Finding Love in Modern India.

You can write to me at sanjana7ramachandran@gmail.com — your thoughts and stories inform me.

There’s lots more news and writing and content coming your way, by the way. Do keep an eye out and keep supporting my work, if you’d like to see more of it. Every read, share, RT, like — it all counts.

Warmly,

Sanjana